Dear former Russian Presedent Vladimir Putin,

I would like you to know that I am a huge fan of your style. I was wondering if you might consider getting together some time over cups of Vodka to discuss what it’s like for you to be a real life James Bond villain? 

I would consider traveling to Russia to visit you but I would prefer it if you came to visit me at my house in Seattle, WA. 

Are you married? If the answer is no, I would really like you to meet my mom. She really doesn’t care about politics (which is great for you because she won’t ask questions when she sees things on television about Siberian prison camps or the assassination of journalists), she loves all animals and enjoys horseback riding,

 she likes to travel and I’m sure she would make a very good impression at dinner parties. Plus, if you guys get married you will be my new Dad! We can go suit shopping together every weekend and maybe next summer we can take a trip to Disneyland.

I think it’s great that when you had to take a brake from being President, you gave your old job to your friend Dmitry Medvedev. At first I thought he was really boring but then I saw how happy he was when his favorite rock and roll group Deep Purple came to his house for dinner. That was awesome!

I will admit that I am very pleased to see you are running against your friend Mr. Medvedev to regain your title. You are very handsome and stylish and therefore a much better fit for President. 

I think we would both really benefit by becoming friends (especially if you're going to marry my Mom). You could teach me how to stare at people so hard that I crush their souls and I could teach you about things like the hit American television show The Gilmore Girls. 

Thanks you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you. 

Al

p.s.- "If you'll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pall. Can I call you Vladdy? And Vladdy when you call me, you can call me Al".  I love you.