Hi, Donald Glover!

I know you're a busy dude, and your star is on the rise or whatever, so I'll skip the chit chat. We need to talk about your penis.



You don't get to make that face! You brought it up first. And then you brought it up again. And again. And again. Proof:



Did you hear what you just said? You said your penis was an elephant.That's fuckin' crazy. You also said your dick was made of carrots. I don't really know what to do with that. My larger point, though is that in this one song, (one that is pretty representative of your body of work) by my count, you made reference to your genitals and their various doings THIRTEEN TIMES.



I know, right? Do you have anything to say for yourself?



Yeah, that's about what I thought. Listen, dude: I think you're great. I really like your music, and I think you're an awesome comedic actor. "Jerry" is one of the funniest things I've ever seen, and I don't have time to talk about how much I love you on "Community". But when I listen to your music, I am driven to distraction by all the dick talk! It's seriously like you just found out about it a couple weeks ago. You talk about it so much that I'm starting to worry that you are lying, Donald. I'm worried that you are lying about your huge, irresistible penis. So I'm invoking the Internet Era Golden Rule:

Pics or it didn't happen.

Think about it! It's not a big deal. You're not gonna run for office. You're a rapper, and sometimes rappers (kind of inadvertently) show the world their penises. Kanye did it. Souljah Boy did it. And if you're telling the truth about your huge irresistible penis, this can only be a good thing. So do we have a deal?



Mull it over.

Hugs and kisses,
Chelsea